A Letter to My Wife - Part 4

Hello again, pertty lady!

How's everything going with you? Not too crazy, I hope. Have the kids been (relatively) good? If not, remind them that I now have an M16A2 Assault Rifle, and I'm alot stronger now than when I left. Ha ha ha.

So by now I'm sure you've sent me tons of letters, which I really appreciate. The food tastes like feet, sleep is a rare delicacy, we work way too hard and way too long, I can't do anything right, and my drill sergeants hate me. Your letters really are the only things I have to look forward to every day.

You're never gonna believe it, but I finally learned how to clean a bathroom and make my bed. Tell my grandma, she'll be shocked to hear it.

So over this last week, we have continued on as we did in week one. Learning to march. Learning to stand. Learning to build muscle and endurance. But we've also had a little class time to learn a few other things, such DON'T freakin sexually harass people, and don't be a fucking racist.

We also learned how to choke, vomit and cry like little girls. They taught us that in the gas chamber. Once your ability to breathe returns, it's really quite nice. It was like an enema, or a colon cleansing for the lungs and sinuses.

This week the people of the United States of America thought it would be a good idea to give me an M16A2 assault rifle. I don't know whether or not that's the best decision this country has ever made, but I think it's freakin awesome. I have named my rifle Annaleese. We go everywhere together. Don't be jealous though. Okay yeah, I have some feelings for her, but not like the feelings I have for you. Plus she feels nothing for me... she's as cold as steel. Oh wait, she is steel.

I finally learned how to do some things right, though most of the time it's not quite good enough. Oh well, at least I'm not doing everything completely wrong anymore.

I am exhausted. Constantly. I miss you and think about you all the time. I want you to know that I love you very much. Can't wait to see you again.

Love,
Your Husband.